The Big Love [Episode 6]
In this episode, I’ll share how letting go of relationships as fix-it projects allowed me to have the Big Love. I cannot think of a time where having faith in love wasn’t at the root of each of these episodes.
The basis of my relationships before my husband were viewed as projects for me to fix. I thought my value was offering a way for someone to better themselves and earning love by being useful. Meeting my now-husband wasn’t a “love at first sight” moment. I thought he was an incredible guy –– that wasn’t my type. I illustrate our time in a ceremony where I witnessed him praying, a visceral shared connection in a Sweat Lodge… and the realization that I needed to end my current relationship.
I share moments from our first date, including not feeling “good enough” for him, and how his emotional connection (to things I don’t agree with or understand), allowed me to open my heart up. I recognize a level of presence and truth that allows our relationship to expand, even as it shifts from day to day. My husband has supported my sobriety journey, the challenges I faced with my brother, and my decision to become a Codependency Counselor. He provides me with unwavering acceptance and a celebration of who I am. A true, Big Love.
I’ve learned that unconditional is my job to give to myself. We each have the capacity to know ourselves in order to clearly understand our own wants, needs, and experiences. In my codependency groups, I offer people some tools that may help them love themselves more and in turn receive more love in general…..which is the most glorious thing about being alive.
All in together. All for love. All feelings are welcome.
Thank you for listening and thank you to my podcast producer Media Midwife Ahri Golden for helping me bring my story to life.
- My initial reaction to my now-husband
- The experience of witnessing my husband pray
- My feelings around not being “good enough” for my husband
- Our marriage practice to love each other and leave each other alone
- Individual agency to practice non codependency in every relationship
- Non codependency as a personal healing job